You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
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I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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