I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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