Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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