You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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