When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
