By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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