i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
