I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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