So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
