All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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