the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
