if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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