Can i not drive my cunt home
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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