There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I party with great urgency now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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