Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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