guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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