how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
