She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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