I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
