new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
