You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
home. puking in laundry basket.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
