Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
