Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
