I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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