Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
