By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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