My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
