No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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