Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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