The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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