Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
