So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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