So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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