i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
