you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
