Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
