my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
