Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
