if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
