it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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