Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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