sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
