Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
