if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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