Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
where are my eyebrows?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
