And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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