im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
