two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
