oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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