Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
