I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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