I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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