So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
