it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
