ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
