My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
