i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You may now shotgun with the bride
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
