why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
