there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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