i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
