I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
