I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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