Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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