I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
