i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
