I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize