I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
