I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want a musical about memes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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