I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Terrible idea I love it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
