I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
