For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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