OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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