i don't like sucking hair
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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