We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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