He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
