Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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