Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
