I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
