the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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