It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
jump out the window naked night went bad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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