Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
