We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
