he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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