I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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