I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
