After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
